So, you’ve read the signs, and now you’re sitting there thinking, “Well, crap. This sounds way too familiar.” First of all, take a deep breath—awareness is the first step, and you’re already there. Codependency is a pattern, not a life sentence, and the good news is that you can break out of it.

Relationships are supposed to be fulfilling, right? But sometimes, they start feeling less like a partnership and more like an emotional hostage situation. If you’re bending over backward to keep your relationship afloat—at the cost of your own well-being—you might be dealing with codependency.

It’s a painful and often baffling experience: You find yourself in relationship after relationship with people who seem to be just wrong for you. Despite your best efforts, the partners you attract don’t seem to meet your needs, don’t treat you the way you deserve, or, in some cases, don’t even match what you’re really looking for. If this sounds familiar, you might be asking yourself, “Why do I keep attracting the wrong partners?”